the offender

THE OFFENDER OFFERS UNSOLICITED ADVICE ON ADVICE

UPON RECEIVING ADVICE, THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR MORE OFTEN THAN NOT IS OVERLOOKED : CONTEXT. ONE SHOULD PAY PARTICULAR ATTENTION TO THE SOURCE OF THE ADVICE.

DURING MY FIRST STAY IN THE HARRIS COUNTY JAIL THERE SEEMED TO BE NO LIMIT TO THE SELF-PROCLAIMED LEGAL SCHOLARS WILLING TO SPOUT ADVICE TO ALMOST ANYONE WILLING TO LISTEN ( AND AT TIMES TO THOSE UNWILLING TO LISTEN ). APPARENTLY MULTIPLE FELONY CONVICTIONS AND MULTIPLE PRISON TERMS ARE ADEQUATE SUBSTITUTES FOR LAW SCHOOL AND YEARS WORKING AS A PARALEGAL FOR A REPUTABLE LAW FIRM.

I SAW A SCARED FIRST-TIMER RELATING THE STORY OF HIS ARREST FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE THE TWELTH TIME FOR THE WEEK TO ONE OF THESE JAILHOUSE SCHOLARS. SPARING YOU THE DETAILS, THE FIRST-TIMER AND THE SCHOLAR HAD SIMILAR CASES INVOLVING A TRAFFIC STOP IN THEIR VEHICLE AND A CRACK PIPE OWNED BY THE INFAMOUS “NOT ME” CITED BY SO MANY.

THE SCHOLAR, WITH JUST THE RIGHT TONE OF RIGHTOUS INDIGNATION VOICED MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE JAIL-HOUSE QUOTE : “THEY CAN’T DO THAT” IN REFERRENCE TO THE POLICE PROCEDURE.

“THEY CAN’T DO THAT” ? GUESS WHAT F. LEE BAILEY … THEY DID IT. PERHAPS IT HAD ESCAPED YOUR KEEN POWERS OF OBSERVATION BUT YOU ARE IN JAIL, AGAIN. NOT ONLY CAN THEY DO IT, THEY DID IT. WHAT’S MORE, THEY DID IT TO YOU AGAIN. SO DESPITE PRIOR COMPARABLE EXPERIENCES AND MULTIPLE BUSTS, LAW LIBRARY MAN WAS SOMEHOW STILL UNDER THE MISGUIDED IMPRESSION THAT THE MEMBERS OF THE LAW ENFORCEMENT COMMUNITY FOLLOW THE RULES.
SCHOLAR TOLD FIRST-TIMER TO DEMAND THAT HIS PUBLIC DEFENDER FILE A MOTION REQUESTING THAT THE RESIDUE ENCRUSTED CRACK PIPE BE TESTED FOR FINGER PRINTS TO PROVE THAT EVEN THOUGH THE PIPE WAS IN FIRST TIMER’S CAR THAT HE HADN’T ACTUALLY SMOKED OUT OF IT.

“DEEPLY FLAWED LOGIC” IS THE TERM THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN CONTEMPLATING THAT LINE OF THINKING. I DIDN’T WANT TO SHOW UP JOHNNY COCHRAN SO I HELD MY TONGUE. FIRST-TIMER HAD THAT SCARED “DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS” LOOK, SO AT A MORE APPROPRIATE TIME I ASKED HIM TO CONSIDER THE SOURCE OF THE ADVICE, LEGAL SCHOLAR MAN WAS FACING HIS FOURTH SMALL-TIME, LESS THAN ONE GRAM OF CRACK, CONVICTION. I POINTED OUT THAT AS SHOCKING AS IT SOUNDS, SOME OF THESE HABITUAL OFFENDERS ARE KNOWN TO BE HABITUALLY WRONG. OTHER TIMES THEY SIMPLY LIE, JUST AS THE POLICE ARE SOMETIMES WRONG OR LYING. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, ALL OTHER POINTS BECOME MOOT BECAUSE THE LONE OCCUPANT IN THE VEHICLE CONTAINING THE CRACK PIPE IS REGARDED AS BEING IN POSSESION OF THE COCAINE RESIDUE INSIDE , NO MATTER HOW MINUSCULE THE AMOUNT AND REGARDLESS OF WHOSE PRINTS ARE ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE PIPE.

I INFORMED THE NOW LESS NAÏVE FIRST TIMER THAT I WOULD SAY NO MORE AND THAT I CERTAINLY DIDN’T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT HIS CASE. I POINTED OUT THE OTHER BRILLIANT LEGAL MINDS AROUND IF HE ABSOLUTELY NEEDED TO CONTINUE TO PROCLAIM HIS INNOCENCE AND GET TIPS FROM THE BEST LEGAL MINDS ( AND COINCIDENTLY THE OTHER WRONGLY ACCUSED VICTIMS ) THIS CELL BLOCK HAD TO OFFER. THESE WERE THE GUYS GOING OVER THEIR TRAGIC STORIES OF INJUSTICE DAILY, TRYING TO CONVINCE THEMSELVES OF THEIR INNOCENCE AS MUCH AS ANYONE ELSE.


ADVICE ON ADVICE PART II

REMEMBER TO KEEP IN MIND THE HISTORY OF YOUR ADVISOR.

RECENTLY A FRIEND CALLED ME NEEDING SOME HELP. SPECIFICALLY HE WAS HAVING WHAT HE CONSIDERED A “DRUG PROBLEM”. HE STATED THAT HE WAS SMOKING TOO MUCH CRACK AND HE REALLY HATED HOW THINGS WERE GOING. FIRST I ASKED IF HE HAD LOST HIS JOB OR A GIRL OVER IT. HE HADN’T. SO, “WHAT IS THE ISSUE”?, I ASKED. HE SAID THAT EACH TIME, ON THE DAY FOLLOWING A CRACK SMOKING BINGE HE FELT TERRIBLE ABOUT HIMSELF. I INQUIRED, “HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU’RE SMOKING THE CRACK ? I MEAN DO YOU LIKE IT, OR IS IT A SHITTY EXPERIENCE AS WELL” ?

MY FRIEND ADMITTED HE DIDN’T REALLY LIKE THE FEELING WHILE HE WAS DOING IT EITHER. “SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT; YOU DON’T LIKE HOW YOU FEEL WHEN YOU DO IT AND YOU FEEL COMPLETELY MISERABLE THE NEXT DAY AND SWEAR IT OFF BUT LATER THAT NIGHT YOU ARE DOING IT AGAIN ? YOU DON’T LIKE IT BUT YOU CAN’T STOP WHICH MAKES YOU FEEL EVEN WORSE YET ?”. HE STATED THAT WAS THE EXACT PATTERN.

REMEMBER, WHO IS BEING ASKED FOR ADVICE HERE…

“SINCE YOU DON’T LIKE IT BUT CAN’T STOP AND FEEL EVEN WORSE BECAUSE YOU DO IT AGAIN, MY ADVICE WOULD BE AS FOLLOWS : ENOUGH WITH THE SELF LOATHING, PAIN, AND FRUSTRATING FUTILE FEEBLE ATTEMPTS TO QUIT. I WOULD SUGGEST FINDING A WAY TO MAKE THE SITUATION MORE PALATABLE. PERSONALLY, I CAN’T HANDLE SHOOTING COKE OR SMOKING CRACK, IT’S A NIGHTMARE. THAT STUFF DRIVES ME CRAZY. UNLESS, OF COURSE I HAVE ALREADY DONE ENOUGH HEROIN, IN WHICH CASE IT FEELS GREAT. NOW DON’T GET ME WRONG, I’M CERTAINLY NOT SUGGESTING THAT YOU GET ON HEROIN, BUT GET A SUPPLY OF DOWNERS PRIOR TO STARTING WITH THE CRACK. I WOULD SUGGEST XANAX AT LEAST. I THINK YOU WOULD HAVE A MUCH BETTER TIME SMOKING ROCK THAT WAY. SHIT, YOU STILL HAVE A JOB AND A GIRLFRIEND, THINGS AREN’T THAT BAD. NOW STOP TORTURING YOURSELF AND FIND A LEVEL OF ACCEPTANCE AND MAKE CRACK MORE FUN.”

I SINCERELY THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD ADVICE BASED ON SOUND LOGIC AND PERSONAL EXPERIENCE BUT HAVE BEEN INFORMED BY MANY THAT I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON. ADJECTIVES SUCH AS “AWFUL” AND “EVIL” AND “PATHETICALLY IRRESPONSIBLE” WERE BANDIED ABOUT .

TO ALL THAT FEEL COMPELLED TO JUDGE; THE NAME CALLERS, THE SECOND GUESSERS, THOSE THAT THINK THEMSELVES SUPERIOR… I OFFER THIS FACT : THE SUBJECT OF THIS ANECDOTE, MY FRIEND, IS NO LONGER SMOKING CRACK. NATURALLY I AM IN NO WAY SUGGESTING THAT MY ASTUTE EVALUATION OF THE SITUATION AND SUBSEQUENT WORDS OF WISDOM WERE THE DECIDING FACTORS LEADING TO CHANGE.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I DIDN’T END UP MAKING MATTERS WORSE, WHICH APPARENTLY WAS THE EXPECTATION OF MANY.

THE BOTTOM LINE … KEEP IN MIND THE SOURCE OF THOSE PURPORTED “WORDS OF WISDOM” BEFORE ACTING ON THEM. ADDITIONALLY, WHEN THE OFFENDER IS THE VOICE OF REASON … BEWARE.