WILL THE OFFENDER GET INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO ?
RECENTLY I WATCHED AN EPISODE OF "INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO" THAT FEATURED DAVE CHAPELLE AS THE GUEST. I BELIEVE HE SHOULD FEEL QUITE FORTUNATE SINCE HE IS NOT GENERALLY REGARDED AS A MASTER THESPIAN. MORE EVIDENCE OF THE HIGH ESTEEM IN WHICH HE IS HELD BY THE NEW SCHOOL UNIVERSITY PEOPLE (OR WHOEVER IS IN CHARGE OF BOOKING THE SHOW) WAS REVEALED BY THE FACT THAT HE WAS ALLOWED TO SMOKE CIGARETTES ON CAMERA THROUGHOUT THE INTERVIEW. I BEGAN TO WONDER: HOW IMPORTANT DOES ONE HAVE TO BECOME BEFORE “ON- AIR” SMOKING IS ALLOWED ? FURTHERMORE, WHAT WOULD I PERSONALLY HAVE TO ACHIEVE AS A PRE-REQUISITE FOR SUCH AN HONOR ? EVIDENTLY THE DECISION IS NOT BASED ON ACTING ABILITY IF DAVE CHAPELLE IS ANY INDICATOR.
I AM CURIOUS BECAUSE I HAVE NOW DECIDED THAT I WISH TO APPEAR ON THE SHOW. NOT ONLY IS IT A NEW GOAL OF MINE TO APPEAR, BUT I INTEND TO SMOKE AS WELL. ADDITIONALLY, I HAVE BEEN SPENDING A FAIR AMOUNT OF TIME REVIEWING THE RECURRING QUESTIONS JAMES LIPTON ASKS AND I AM CAREFULLY CONTEMPLATING MY RESPONSES.
AFTER REVIEWING SEVERAL EPISODES, "INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO" SEEMS TO HAVE AN EXCELLENT RESEARCH STAFF. SUBJECTS OFTEN LOOK GENUINELY SURPRISED WHEN MR. LIPTON BRINGS UP A LONG FORGOTTEN FAILED SITCOM PILOT IN WHICH THE GUEST MADE AN UN-BILLED APPEARANCE AS AN EXTRA. I AM PREPARING MYSELF FOR ANY POTENTIALLY EMBARRASSING MATERIAL THE RESEARCHERS MIGHT UNCOVER.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I SHOULD CONSIDER UNDER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES, IF ANY, WOULD IT BE ACCEPTABLE FOR ME TO LET A TEAR OR TWO SLIP FROM THE CORNER OF MY EYE. GIVEN MY CAREFULLY CRAFTED PERSONA, OUTRIGHT CRYING IS ALTOGETHER OUT OF THE QUESTION, BUT A SINGLE TEAR ROLLING DOWN MY CHEEK AT JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT MIGHT WORK.
I SUPPOSE ONCE I HAVE DEFINED THE ACCEPTABLE EMOTIONAL PARAMETERS AND FORMULATED THE PERFECT ANSWERS TO THE USUAL QUESTIONS, I SHOULD WORK ON FIGURING OUT WHY I SHOULD BE ON THE SHOW IN THE FIRST PLACE AND WHAT I CAN DO TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.
IN THE MEANTIME, I’LL PRACTICE BEING INTERVIEWED … I IMAGINE IT MIGHT GO SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
JAMES LIPTON: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD ?
AT LARGE: MY FAVORITE WORD… HHMMMM… WELL JAMES, IF I MAY CALL YOU JAMES, I’D HAVE TO SAY I'M QUITE FOND OF USING THE WORD "WORD". OF COURSE WHEN I SAY “WORD” I AM REFERRING TO THE WAY IT’S USED COLLOQUIALLY, AS PART OF PRISON/GHETTO SLANG OR AS PART OF THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN/HIP-HOP VERNACULAR.
JL: WHY THAT PARTICULAR “WORD“, IF I MAY ASK ?(looking immensely pleased with himself)
AL: BECAUSE IT'S SO DAMN VERSATILE, DEPENDING ON ONE'S TONE OR
INFLECTION IT CAN MEAN MANY DIFFERENT THINGS. FOR EXAMPLE: I
COULD SAY "WORD" TO MEAN, IN EFFECT, "I CONCUR" OR “AGREED”... OR I'LL SAY
"WORD" WITH SLIGHTLY MORE FORCE BEHIND IT, MEANING "RIGHT ON" OR "WORD?", IN AN INQUIRING TONE LIKE "REALLY”. YOU SEE?, IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW I SAY IT.
JL: I SEE...(eyebrows arched, looking toward audience)
AL: SHIT... IT JUST OCCURED TO ME, I KNOW THIS IS A BIT UNORTHODOX,
BUT I'D REALLY LIKE TO AMMEND MY ANSWER.
JL: EXCUSE ME ?
AL: SINCE THE USE OF THE WORD "WORD", IN THE WAY I WAS USING IT,
DEPENDS SO MUCH ON INFLECTION AND TONE AND IN WHAT CONTEXT IT‘S BEING USED, I'D LIKE TO CLARIFY MY ANSWER BY SAYING "WORD" IS MY FAVORITE SPOKEN WORD. WRITTEN, I MEAN ON THE PAGE, UN-ITALICIZED, NOT UNDERLINED, I SUPPOSE IT WOULDN'T HAVE THE SAME DEPTH OR CONVEY THE INTENDED MEANING. IT WOULD BE RATHER ORDINARY, OR EVEN CONFUSING.
JL: O.K. ... GENERALLY SPEAKING …. NO, LET ME RE-PHRASE THAT…IN THE HISTORY OF THIS SHOW, WE'VE NEVER HAD THIS PARTICULAR QUESTION AS A TWO-PARTER, BUT I’M GAME, AT LARGE, WHAT THEN IS YOUR FAVORITE WRITTEN WORD ?
AL: WOW... GOOD QUESTION... LET ME THINK... I'D HAVE TO SAY... I DON'T
KNOW, "FACETIOUS" MAYBE.
