APPARENTLY, IN ADDITION TO GOOD INTENTIONS, THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH MILDLY AMUSING ESSAYS
THE OFFENDER’S GIRLFRIEND IS STARTING TO FEAR FOR HIS ETERNAL SOUL AFTER READING THIS WORK IN PROGRESS
LOCAL PRIESTS’ GROUP MASS DEBATE
CATHOLIC PRIESTS IN MY AREA WERE HAVING MAJOR DISAGREEMENTS REGARDING THE METHODS USED TO DELIVER CHURCH DOCTRINE. EVERYONE SEEMED TO HAVE A DIFFERING OPINION REGARDING HOW BEST TO PERFORM MASS. FATHER DONALLY WANTED TO MAKE MORE OF AN EFFORT TO REACH OUT TO THE YOUTH WHILE FATHER SULLIVAN WAS PART OF THE OLD GUARD, THE GUYS DOING THE LITURGY IN LATIN AND FATHER LIMA WAS OF THE OPINION THAT THE KIDS WOULD ENJOY THE FOLK SINGING NUNS FROM THE ST. CATHERINE’S SCHOOL.
I SPOKE TO FR. DONALLY WHO TOLD ME SEVERAL PRIESTS FROM SURROUNDING PARISHES PLANNED TO MEET AT THE ST. THOMAS RECTORY TO DISCUSS THEIR OPPOSING POSITIONS. THEY WOULD EACH MAKE THEIR CASE AND ARGUE VARIOUS POINTS HOPING TO REACH SOME KIND OF ACCORD.
ON THE DESIGNATED DAY I WENT TO ST. THOMAS’S AND WITNESSED SOME OF THE PROCEEDINGS. MRS. O’REILLY HEARD THAT I HAD BEEN PRESENT AND WANTED TO KNOW WHAT HAD TAKEN PLACE. UNFORTUNATELY, I THINK SHE MISUNDERSTOOD MOST OF WHAT I TOLD HER…
I SAID, “ALL THE AREA PRIESTS GOT TOGETHER WITH SOME PARISHONERS AND THEIR FAMILIES TO HAVE A GROUP MASS DEBATE.”
SHE SEEMED TAKEN ABACK, “A GROUP WHAT ?”, SHE STAMMERED.
“IN LIGHT OF RECENT EVENTS, THE PRIESTS BECAME MASS DEBATERS. YOU KNOW, A GROUP MASS DEBATE.”
“WERE THERE CHILDREN PRESENT ?”, SHE ASKED.
“OH YES, SEVERAL.”
“THAT’S JUST HORRIBLE.”
I REPLIED, “I DON’T THINK SO, QUITE THE CONTRARY. THE YOUNG PEOPLE SEEMED TO REALLY INSPIRE SOME OF THE PRIESTS.”
“WHAT … YOU WERE THERE ?”, MRS. O’REILLY WAS LOOKING CONFUSED.
SHE WAS STARTING TO CONFUSE ME, “I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU THAT I STOPPED BY.”
“WHY … WHY WERE YOU THERE ?”, AGAIN WITH THE STAMMERING.
I SAID, “I WAS ASKED IF I MIGHT LEND A HAND, BUT I DECLINED, STATING THAT I WAS JUST THERE TO WATCH.”
“OH MY GOD …”, HER EYES GROWING WIDER .
“WHAT ?”, I WONDERED WHAT WAS GOING ON IN HER HEAD .
“WHAT DID YOU SEE ?”, SHE ASKED, LOOKING LIKE SHE WAS TASTING A LEMON.
“OH THEY WERE REALLY GOING AT IT. IT WAS REALLY HEATED FOR AWHILE. I DIDN’T REALIZE THEY STILL HAD THAT KIND OF PASSION. I ASKED FATHER DONALLY ABOUT THEIR PROGRESS AND HE SAID THEY WERE WILLING TO GO AT IT ALL NIGHT IF NECESSARY. ALSO, HE SAID HE THOUGHT THAT AS LONG AS THEY KEPT THE CHILDREN IN MIND HE WAS CONFIDENT THAT THEY WOULD EVENTUALLY COME TOGETHER.”
ASHEN, SHE BLURTED, “K-KIDS…I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS.”
“WHAT ? THE KIDS ARE WHAT THIS IS REALLY ABOUT. I’M GLAD THE KIDS WERE IN THE ROOM. DO YOU THINK THE PRIESTS WOULD’VE BEEN ABLE TO KEEP IT UP FOR AS LONG AS THEY DID IF THEY WEREN’T ABLE TO LOOK AT THOSE INNOCENT FACES FOR INSPIRATION. I THINK IT REALLY HELPED THEM TO KEEP FOCUSED.” I ADDED, “AND WHO KNOWS, THE KIDS MIGHT HAVE ENJOYED IT. I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED IF WE GOT SOME NEW ALTAR BOYS AFTER SEEING THOSE PRIESTS AS EXCITED MASS DEBATERS.”
VISIBLY SHAKEN AND TEMPORARILY UNABLE TO RECALL WHERE SHE HAD PARKED HER CAR, MRS. O’REILLY RAN OFF.
